A View to Love
by Liliumscribe
Summary: Chu Qiao has thrown her lot in with Yan Xun but she's wrestling inwardly to maintain her "righteous ardour" for his cause against Wei. An introspective one-shot of an early segment from Ep. 53 fleshing out Chu Qiao's misgivings about being in Yanbei especially when a certain young master makes his presence felt. XingYue missing scene included.


**A View to Love**

 _A/N: I really need to stop re-watching PA because whenever I do, I have this ridiculous compulsion to flesh scenes out and correct things. Yeah, yeah… I know I said I would be taking a break from writing. This, however, is just a one-shot of a sequence of events from Episode 53 that I've thought a lot about for a while._

* * *

Yanbei was a far cry from everything she had been expecting. For three years Chu Qiao had heard only good about Yan Xun's place of birth. But since stepping foot on its soil all she had seen so far was conflict and bloodshed from within. The desolation and despair that was palpable in its towns and villages was much removed from Yan Xun's earlier characterizations of it as heaven on earth. Now that the battle to hold on to it was temporarily over, the chilly atmosphere all around her was becoming more apparent and the bleakness felt by its inhabitants everywhere was stark. The heat of battle even with its promise of pain and death seemed preferable to the lingering unspoken tension that had sprung up between Yan Xun and her. While they had been fellow prisoners desperately clinging for dear life every moment of every day, the road before them seemed clear. Having made headway on their chosen path, stretch after stretch of it seemed to be nothing more than floods of murky waters with no end in sight.

It was the war that they had to fight. A dictum she muttered to herself repeatedly and declared to the world. But as soon as the fight began, the justice they were going to bring about turned into something that smacked of sham respectability. Something in the scheme of things had gone horribly wrong. For the first time since they left the gates of Chang'an, Chu Qiao was assailed with misgivings about the journey she had undertaken, real doubts that she could not dismiss out of hand.

 _Am I a fool who is overthinking things?_

 _Am I in over my head?_

He Xiao's well-intentioned attempts at consolation failed to assuage her stricken conscience over the loss of civilian lives in Hong Chuan and beyond. To his way of thinking, Cheng Yuan was the villain of the piece, the primary mover and negative influence on Prince Yan Xun, the puppet master manipulating the prince using their shared experiences of losing loved ones.

Chu Qiao had her own ideas about who was culpable for recent happenings though she kept them to herself. As it was, she was scarcely able to keep the biting cynicism out of her voice.

"Is that so? So this is what's really happening."

Apparently He Xiao did not detect the edge in her voice and was inclined to put the best possible construction on Yan Xun's actions.

"His Highness thinks a great deal of you. Because of you he gave up Chang'an. Such affection is rare indeed. In his heart, no one can replace you."

She knew that He Xiao meant well. Still, those words washed over her like a shower of icy water. The disappointment from recent events had indelibly made their mark.

"When we were in Chang'an, I thought I knew Yanbei well. I was full of wonderful notions of it as if I had been right here. Now that I'm actually here, it's too cold. Whatever righteous ardour, whatever ideals I had have been chilled by the winds of Yanbei."

Sensing now that Lady Chu's discouragement was profound, He Xiao immediately leapt to comfort her. "Don't give up so easily. To fulfill one's ideals there's always a price to pay. I am convinced that one day your aspirations will be fulfilled. One day on the highlands of Yanbei the slaves will be set free without bearing arms, the people will enjoy peace and happiness. At that time, the brothers who died can truly be at peace."

"Let's hope that's the case," was the muted response.

For his sake she kept up the appearance of an optimism she did not feel. That stifling sensation of disillusionment had taken hold with no sign of letting go. A bitter scepticism had begun to take root. Of late she had been questioning her own assumptions, her own confidence about the rightness of their cause. Whatever thoughts she had about Yan Xun's precarious position, bit by bit, little by little they were all being eroded by the inner disquiet.

As soon as the conversation was over, Cheng Yuan came into view hobbling through the camp gate unaccompanied. Something was obviously wrong with his left leg. The guards who stood in the sidelines watching were unsure about what they needed to do as they saw the general's discomfiture . But he merely waved it off before succumbing to the sheer exhaustion from walking some considerable distance with an injured leg. Before he could get up, he was greeted by one of his loyal underlings who ran to his aid. Presumably Cheng Yuan had been sent on a mission the previous night and was somehow targetted for his efforts. Scrutinizing the leg more closely, Chu Qiao quickly identified the offending weapons that had impeded his movements.

 _Arrows from Qing Shan Yuan?_

The familiar sight caused her heart to beat faster. The implication was only too clear.

 _He's here? When? Why?_

She was racked with curiosity as a myriad of questions bombarded her mind one after another. But no one had informed her about the approach of an army from Wei. Of course, it would be entirely consistent with Yuwen Yue's usual _modus operandi_ to sneak into enemy territory unannounced and spring a surprise.

Pulling herself together lest she gave herself away, she turned to He Xiao and in low tones instructed him to find out what had transpired overnight. She then climbed to the top of the watchtower perusing the landscape with a keen eye. What was that man doing in Yanbei? Did his coming signal a precursor to a major military offensive? Were the Wei troops readying themselves for an all out assault? Evidently Yuwen Yue could have killed Cheng Yuan on the spot, so why didn't he? Clearly then he was sending a message but to whom? To Yan Xun? To her?

Despite the utilitarian nature of the questions, only the last one really mattered. It was the whisper of her heart that drowned out the clamour of all the others. It was the only question she had a personal stake in.

 _Is he here because of me?_

After a brief moment of reveling in the joyous implications of that thought, reality struck her forcibly.

 _Of course not, you silly girl. Why would he be? You resisted his overtures even after he showed his heart to you. You chose to go elsewhere and not stay by his side. Why would a man that you've humiliated and disappointed over and over again put himself out for you? Yuwen Yue is no fool._

She was prone to introspection of late. A pang of regret gripped her heart. Regret seemed to be the default position every time her thoughts flew to Yuwen Yue. Why any of that mattered, she couldn't be sure. She had chosen her path and was resolved to see it through to whatever end. Nonetheless her own heart had become the driving force compelling her to re-evaluate her recent choices. A seedling of hope was budding inside her. The secret hope that he would never stop caring about her even when their choices were in conflict. Hope was all she had... hope and memories. Memories of stolen moments together. Reminiscing about them meant straddling the fine line between pain and pleasure. Preeminent in her recollections were those words of reproof as their worlds collided in that spa house some weeks earlier.

 _"If you'd like to leave, you can. It doesn't matter if you're caught, if you're killed, it doesn't matter where you die. But don't let me know if you're somewhere that I can't see you, reach you or help you. I won't be able to bear it."_

That succinct monologue had left her speechless. Yuwen Yue was normally a man of few words, of imperceptible sentiments. In all their usual interactions he was inclined to mocking her, lecturing her and even talking down to her. But when he said those words some thing was quite different about him. On the surface it had sounded like one of his usual admonishments but underlying the tirade was a ring of genuine anguish. For the briefest of moments she had been given a glimpse into his heart.

* * *

According to He Xiao, Cheng Yuan had discovered earlier that Prince Yuan Song had been sent to reclaim Yanbei for Wei under the auspices of Marquise of Yanbei. Unbeknownst to everyone, Yuwen Yue had been part of his dismal-looking entourage. On hearing that report, Cheng Yuan had assembled a strike team to take out Yuan Song but ended up falling victim to an ambush devised by Yuwen Yue instead. The word was that Yuwen Yue had taken over the Great General's residence and all the troops of Mei Lin Pass were now under his command.

Chu Qiao's heart sank momentarily. She understood the long-term ramifications of that. Realistically it was always inevitable that they would meet as adversaries across the battlefield. They were both serving different masters after all.

Standing in the watchtower that was part of the makeshift barbican, she stared into the horizon barely containing her excitement and anxiety. The knowledge that Yuwen Yue was so close caused her heart to flutter. She hadn't seen him since the day he strode out of Xiao Ce's residence and was relieved to know that he was not too despondent by their parting but was determined to live out his choices. On the other hand, she was saddened by the thought that he had so easily moved on without her. That day when they went their separate ways she was certain… how could she not… that he loved her. Unhappily she had denied herself the pleasure of responding in kind. She realised too late that all those pent up, alien emotions that bubbled up whenever he was near were reserved for him alone.

Even now she could taste his lips on hers brushing ever so gently, so sweetly and yet tinged with an indefinable sadness. Somewhere inside her had been the thought of not wanting this rare intimate gesture to end… to freeze the moment and hold on to it forever. But she'd made a commitment to a pitiful, lonely man who had lost everything. It was a commitment that she could not break even while her heart and mind were prodding her to seek happiness elsewhere.

Still she wanted so much to see Yuwen Yue… to run back into his arms but more than that… to bare her heart. The weariness from recent conflicts with supposed allies was causing her to pine for him all the more.

She was determined that she would see him even if from a place that he would not be able to see her. She would wait until nightfall before making her move.

* * *

Yuwen Yue was in his official quarters writing his report to Prince Xiang while his second-in-command looked on. In the background they could hear their people mobilizing due to the apparent presence of an intruder.

"Yue Qi, see what the commotion is all about and deal with it quickly."

"Yes sir."

When he saw that the chief of the Yue guards had left the room, Yuwen Yue got out from behind his desk and walked to the balcony. He waited a moment before speaking.

"You've got my message, I see. I don't suppose you came to assassinate me or you would have struck already."

If he could have seen her, he would have seen that the lady balancing precariously on the eaves of his roof was scowling

 _Undoubtedly_ _nothing slips past you, Yuwen Yue but can't you even pretend to be pleased?_

"Are you well? You must be fully recovered if you're able to scale that wall to get here. The last time I saw you your injuries were rather serious. You looked like you'd gotten thinner too. Doesn't Yan Xun feed you properly?"

 _How did he know about my injuries? Wait a moment… was he there? Did he…?_

"You didn't have to come here. It's dangerous. I don't think Yan Xun will be too pleased if he knew you were mixing with the enemy."

At the mention of Yan Xun's displeasure, Chu Qiao shifted slightly and accidentally dislodged a tile. She gave an embarrassed cough.

"Watch yourself. You didn't make any friends when Yan Xun turned his army around for Hong Chuan city. As usual you did an audacious but foolish thing. The man that I shot last night, I'm sure he'll be looking for a reason to get rid of you as soon as possible."

 _Yuwen Yue, can't you say something to please a woman for once? I risked life and limb to be here. Don't you even care that I came to see you._

"You should go. You will be missed soon. I don't want to be accused of luring you here and trigger an unnecessary battle. The people at Mei Lin Pass and Hong Chuan city have suffered enough in recent days."

Chu Qiao got up and the clanking sounds of the tiles could be heard as she gently took her first step ascending the roof.

"Xing'er, I… er… Take care of yourself. Don't make me come and rescue you again."

"Yuwen Yue…" The lady turned around whispered into the darkness. "I…"

The young master did not wait to hear what was on the lady's mind. The tone of his voice changed. "It's fine, you don't need to say anything. I know it all… Just go now and be safe." _As long as you are safe, I can bear everything even this distance between us._

 _Yuwen Yue, I owe you so much. I will never be able to repay you. Not even if I live a thousand lifetimes._

 _Be happy, Xing'er. This is all I can do for you now._

 _Yuwen Yue… I've missed you so much._

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

 _I re-translated all the bits of dialogue from the drama that were pertinent to this story in order to maximize the benefit of the written format. It was also my intention to improve the cultural accuracy with these alternative translations._

 _This fic emerged in part because I gained new appreciation for the segment in question and also because I was trying to salvage from the wreck of what the show did to its titular character as she was struggling to stay loyal to Yan Xun on the one hand and deal with her feelings for Yuwen Yue on the other. Hence the missing scene at the end._

 _Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Thanks for reading and hope it was enjoyable._


End file.
